This is the beginning of the end

This is the end of the begining

This is the middle of the center

This is the center of the middle

I am beginning to feel whole again. Perhaps it is because of the downtime which I was able to enjoy over the past little while. Perhaps it was the book that I bought to help learn to not burn myself out anymore. Perhaps it was the love and ancouragment from my friends. But more than likely it was a combination of all of the above, in conjunction with giving my life over to God again.

I had a revelation and I would like to share it will all of you...See I have come to realize that part of my exhaustion has been due to the fact that I have built up a dependancy on people and been hurt when people let me down. I have felt like perhaps I did something wrong and this has caused the let down, or perhaps people do not love me as much as I thought that they had...So, I have come to realize that people are going to fail me no matter what. It's their nature. Now hear me out...this may sound crazy, but let me explain why I have found peace and joy in this new knowledge. First I want you to realize that people are born into sin. It's somethign that we cannot entierly help. There is hope, but that is another story. See, in knowning that it is pretty much the nature of people to fail I have come to understand that people will fail me whether they love me or not, or whether I mess up or not. It's (people letting me down) not relative to who I am or what I do, or who they are or what they do. Do you follow thus far?? This gave me a new peace. Now for the joy. Yes, people will fail me and it sad. However, God will never fail me. He can be the best friend/boyfriend/mother/father/brother/sister/coworker/boss/pastor/etc...that we could ever imagine. God will love me no matter what, he will take care of me no matter what, he will never let me down, and when I am feeling low he will let me cry and just listen. Then the next day when I am still a little sad he will leave a folded $20 dollar bill on the ground for me to find as I walk to church from the bus (yes that did happen today). Then he will comfort me through a group of friends whom I know care about my well being, or who I know are not judging me for who they think I am or what I do. God knows where my heart is and he loves who I am. For this I am more grateful then I have ever been for anything else in the world...