I know that I write about all this stuff and that it may appear that I am doing well and moving on just fine. I'm not regarding you. I still think about you all the time. I still have memories of us. I still love you. I am still in love with you. You asked me to give it time, and I am trying. I wish that you were not so far away. I wish that I could just tell you how I feel...can I tell you how I feel? I feel so blocked out right now. I know no existance of you right now. You never write and I dont call. I think and plan to buy things and send things to you oer the ocean all the time in my head, but I never do. I dont know why. Wait, I do know why. I fear that you will reject them, reject my love and in turn reject me. It hurts. It's sad. It scares me.
Yes, work is going well. Slow, but well enough. I have been writing, and going over old stuff. There is alot that I cannot read...my whole notebook from the ship I cannot read because that pain is still so real. I am sorry.
I miss you. I miss us.
I want to start over. Erase this page even and start over.