There are so many people in the world and yet very few who come close to realizing that. Do you realize that? I mean, do you realize that there are so many people, not just the number, but the personalities and the lives, and the experiences?! Like right now, I am sitting here on my computer, with an acheing head. The question is, why is my head in pain and why am I sitting on the computer instead of being out with my friends, or working somewhere, or jsut doing anything else. I am feeling a little of the stress of being home without a job and no real direction...for the first week of being home I was so happy not to have to work, and then slowly my bank account began to look empty and I realized that I am going to need to get a job to help support myself, and my new found phone and cell phone bill. Urgh...

Maybe I will move. I have been thinking about it for years now it seems. Before I left to work on the cruise ship I was sared to death of moving away from my small city, from my family, friends, and the comfort and safety of this all. While I was away I became a lot less afraid of the outside world. I can do things on my own. I can make new friends...it will not be the same, but that is life. I just need to cherrish these memories that I have. People move all the time. Life goes on. These people are real friends, and I know that even if I move they will be my friends for years and years to come.

I have been contemplating of going to South Africa to see my boyfriend before he comes here to see me. Right now I have nothing that I need to get sorted out. I just need to find a job to get some money together so that I can see him, pay my phone bills and to maybe have a little set aside so that I can more realistically contemplate my move to the coast.

I have been doing so well, and then after a week of being home I can feel myself start to stress and worry about things. I want that to change. I need that to change. I can't just run away every time that something comes up that causes me a little stress. I need to learn to let go of things, the way that I did so much more when I was away...

Don't know what to say. I am sleepy, yet I have spent the day in bed. Perhaps today bed is where I belong.