I don't what to tell you. My emotions are currently shot and as I have said over and over again I just want to go home. I wish that I knew the future and what is going to happen with my life. I wish that I could draw a picture of how I wanted my life to turn out and for it to happen. I wish that I could pick up the map and follow the roads that would take me to my final destination. I wish that I could read the story and know the plot, see "the bad guys" before they come, spend time in the good moments and know that there was going to be a happily ever after...

I just want to get on with the rest of my life and know that everything will be alright. That I will be happy, really happy. I don't want to live one of those lives where bad things happen to me and I have to choose to be happy. I want to have a good life, where I am blessed, have great friends, a good job and just am happy as a result because I know what it is like to not have those things. "The sweet is not as sweet without the bitter", and I have seen the bitter. Right now I am in the bitter...

Tonight I went to the show at 8:30pm. I was not happy when I went, but going there cheered me up a little. I love art in its various forms. I wish that I was more a part of it all right now. That is a huge part of the reason why I cant wait to be home, to be surrounded by art again. I am an artistic and creative person, that is my nature. Being here is like denying it, it is stifling my creativity which is causing huge emotional problems in me. I need to have influence around me, I need to be me again...I need my vacation...

arugula - A Mediterranean plant (Eruca vesicaria subsp. sativa) having flowers with purple-veined, yellowish-white petals and pungent, edible leaves. Also called rocket2, rocket salad, roquette.