I am just exhausted that's all. I am uninspired and worn out and at this exact moment I feel alone. I am with so many people, they are everywhere, but I feel like I am alone at this moment. I have not created much of anything lately and I blame no one but myself. See, life on the ship is busy, and I know that is a lame excuse, but it is a valid point. I am trying to get so many little things done, but I am not sure how much these things will always benefit my future. I try to call my family, and email replys to the few people who do still email me...I feel like I don't exist to the world of Lethbridge. Who there really thinks about me on a regular basis? Do they wonder what I am doing and where I am going? Does the Gate miss me? Am I replaceable as a friend, daughter, employee? I feel that I did not make a large impact on Lethbridge, and therefore that I am more than likely not really missed. I am sure that my friends are all getting by fine without me and making many new friends. I am sure that when I get back I will feel a little out of the loop...I will now understand how they all felt when they went to college and then came back for holidays and things...Will I be like them? Will I expect things to be all the same when really so much has changed....No, I will not, and this is not because I am better than them. The only reason that I will not is because I was there when they came back and I knew and saw that things had changed. I will have to just go back and know that my friends still care about me and that I still care about them, but I will understand that they have new friends and they have more friends. It is something that I will have to deal with...besides, am I always going to be in Lethbridge? More than likley not, but I will keep these people as my friends...I just wish that I could hear from them more often. I wish that they would tell me that they read my journal and that they miss me and that things aren't the same without me there...I wish that I could feel their encouragement and their love and their creativity that inspires me to be more creative...I love you guys and miss you all so much...I can't wait to get home and just chill-ax again...